“Your body dances in
the sky like a rainbow, and with skill you move unimpeded through concrete
form, you have destroyed the devil Lord
of Death” Yeshi addressing Mandarava
“I bow down to you
Tshogyel, immaculate maiden, through your skill in ascetic yoga you have
liberated beings, sinful beings blown by the storm of karma and slaves to
endless Samsara! You have established the Buddha’s teaching” Mandarava
addressing Yeshi
The centerpiece of the Main Chamber of Zangtopelri located
against the back wall is a forty foot solid statue of Guru Rinpoche an august effigy
packing real power and flanked by his two consorts Yeshi Tshogyel (Tibet) and
Princess Mandarava (Indian Himalaya) Mandarava is renowned for her wisdom and
yeshi her vibrant sexuality a mistress of magic. Although their parts are
interchangeable I’d reckon. The exploits of the enlightened yogis and consorts
put to shame hippie love inns to wit: The Guru has two primary consorts who
have their own hosts of male partners and the Guru also has unlimited dakini’s
too. Sex represents the perfect unity of male and female energies so I guess
your author is out of balance and outdated- Sexless as a stone.
……………………………
I just got off the phone with my brother stateside and now
feel genuinely homesick which is funny since I’m already at home listening to
rain pound my tin roof and peering out my foggy window at the smattering of
lights on the Nankhar ridge and it’s a lonesome scene by golly. I can’t help
feel a life has passed me by and still I struggle so mightily to outpace my
demons that are embedded in my deepest root like a rotten fungus poisoning my
better nature. I wouldn’t want to struggle anywhere else but that is curious
too since the longer I stay I fade further into the mists wondering frankly
what might remain of me when I return? So much work to be done here on my soul
on my career but meanwhile something precious slips away. Bhutan’s a dream come
true but also a loss of innocence and coming of age. My heart is pumping and I
keep rapport with my cherished students but what have I lost and what has
shriveled inside me, left alone with mighty mountains and stark beauty loosing
the pulse on my family and eight years out of any meaningful partnership with a
woman. Honestly this is my natural state and that affair was an anomaly. Boo
Hoo again I subject my dear readership to the poor me blues but what is this
blog if not an outlet or electronic journal and I’m afraid I’m as selfish and
petty as they come. The rain subsides and crickets surf the ripples in the puddles
and the land under cover of darkness turns greener by the minute, a paradise so
wondrous that words fail completely. I cannot explain this aching loneliness
that growls inside me either mixed with anxieties that never sleep and I wonder
who and where I am now? My brother
mentioned that TIAT is sad lately and that’s alright since this blog might as
well reflect my mood. I work hard and worship Nancy as the godhead who paved my
way into the remote east a bastion against an insane world. I’d hope in real
life I’m not as negative as portrayed on the screen but you’ll have to take my
word for it. I used to dream of leaving my life and disappearing which seems
ridiculous since in that life I was well loved. There’s just something inside
me that feels different than the rest of mankind and makes me want to hide but
ironically I haven’t vanished in Bhutan at all and despite loneliness I
maintain a high profile. So this is a shout out for bra if you happen to be
reading this oh and Dave since you might be tuned in too and my connection is
cut so I’m again left alone with the crickets and rain well past midnight on a
bygone Thursday in May with images of Yeshi walking backwards on a tightrope, STEP
RIGHT UP Y’ALL!
……………………………
When walking down an overcrowded beach in Goa I felt that my
soul was ripe for something and that’s where I promised to improve my teaching.
I have kept that promise and still believe I’m ripened in fact I might be
overripe for that nameless paradigm shift that intuition promises. Stay
tuned…..Oh and Mandarava we still have work to do yet…Hugs and kisses from Mr.
Tim….
……..………………..
Two interesting tidbits from today while visiting Auntie
Kezang’s shop I bumped into Augusta my Indian student’s mother (his pop is
Chief Engineer for the Hydro project) and she requested that I place him next
to a clean boy since she says he’s getting sick. Jesus! That might be a tall
order protecting one from germs in this country. The other peculiar encounter
was with a fellow teacher who I asked if he was beating his students and he
replied, “No I don’t beat them but sometimes I have them bang their heads
against the desks” How clever having the students beat themselves thus
expunging responsibility, that was sarcasm folks n case you missed it!
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