Friday, May 22, 2015

Musings for Mandarava

“Your body dances in the sky like a rainbow, and with skill you move unimpeded through concrete form, you have destroyed the devil Lord of Death” Yeshi addressing Mandarava

“I bow down to you Tshogyel, immaculate maiden, through your skill in ascetic yoga you have liberated beings, sinful beings blown by the storm of karma and slaves to endless Samsara! You have established the Buddha’s teaching” Mandarava addressing Yeshi  

The centerpiece of the Main Chamber of Zangtopelri located against the back wall is a forty foot solid statue of Guru Rinpoche an august effigy packing real power and flanked by his two consorts Yeshi Tshogyel (Tibet) and Princess Mandarava (Indian Himalaya) Mandarava is renowned for her wisdom and yeshi her vibrant sexuality a mistress of magic. Although their parts are interchangeable I’d reckon. The exploits of the enlightened yogis and consorts put to shame hippie love inns to wit: The Guru has two primary consorts who have their own hosts of male partners and the Guru also has unlimited dakini’s too. Sex represents the perfect unity of male and female energies so I guess your author is out of balance and outdated- Sexless as a stone.
I just got off the phone with my brother stateside and now feel genuinely homesick which is funny since I’m already at home listening to rain pound my tin roof and peering out my foggy window at the smattering of lights on the Nankhar ridge and it’s a lonesome scene by golly. I can’t help feel a life has passed me by and still I struggle so mightily to outpace my demons that are embedded in my deepest root like a rotten fungus poisoning my better nature. I wouldn’t want to struggle anywhere else but that is curious too since the longer I stay I fade further into the mists wondering frankly what might remain of me when I return? So much work to be done here on my soul on my career but meanwhile something precious slips away. Bhutan’s a dream come true but also a loss of innocence and coming of age. My heart is pumping and I keep rapport with my cherished students but what have I lost and what has shriveled inside me, left alone with mighty mountains and stark beauty loosing the pulse on my family and eight years out of any meaningful partnership with a woman. Honestly this is my natural state and that affair was an anomaly. Boo Hoo again I subject my dear readership to the poor me blues but what is this blog if not an outlet or electronic journal and I’m afraid I’m as selfish and petty as they come. The rain subsides and crickets surf the ripples in the puddles and the land under cover of darkness turns greener by the minute, a paradise so wondrous that words fail completely. I cannot explain this aching loneliness that growls inside me either mixed with anxieties that never sleep and I wonder who and where I am now?  My brother mentioned that TIAT is sad lately and that’s alright since this blog might as well reflect my mood. I work hard and worship Nancy as the godhead who paved my way into the remote east a bastion against an insane world. I’d hope in real life I’m not as negative as portrayed on the screen but you’ll have to take my word for it. I used to dream of leaving my life and disappearing which seems ridiculous since in that life I was well loved. There’s just something inside me that feels different than the rest of mankind and makes me want to hide but ironically I haven’t vanished in Bhutan at all and despite loneliness I maintain a high profile. So this is a shout out for bra if you happen to be reading this oh and Dave since you might be tuned in too and my connection is cut so I’m again left alone with the crickets and rain well past midnight on a bygone Thursday in May with images of Yeshi walking backwards on a tightrope, STEP RIGHT UP Y’ALL!
When walking down an overcrowded beach in Goa I felt that my soul was ripe for something and that’s where I promised to improve my teaching. I have kept that promise and still believe I’m ripened in fact I might be overripe for that nameless paradigm shift that intuition promises. Stay tuned…..Oh and Mandarava we still have work to do yet…Hugs and kisses from Mr. Tim….

Two interesting tidbits from today while visiting Auntie Kezang’s shop I bumped into Augusta my Indian student’s mother (his pop is Chief Engineer for the Hydro project) and she requested that I place him next to a clean boy since she says he’s getting sick. Jesus! That might be a tall order protecting one from germs in this country. The other peculiar encounter was with a fellow teacher who I asked if he was beating his students and he replied, “No I don’t beat them but sometimes I have them bang their heads against the desks” How clever having the students beat themselves thus expunging responsibility, that was sarcasm folks n case you missed it!     

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